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When Friendships Change: Finding Connection Through Life’s Transitions

  • Writer: Kirstie Broughton
    Kirstie Broughton
  • 2 days ago
  • 5 min read

Friendships often change during pregnancy, early parenthood, menopause, and other major life transitions. If you’ve started to feel different from the people you once felt close to, more sensitive, more reflective, or more aware of what you need, you’re not imagining it.

Many women reach these stages of life and quietly wonder why certain friendships suddenly feel harder, emptier, or more one sided. This blog is a gentle exploration of why that happens, and how to care for yourself and your mental health when connection shifts.


A woman looking sad and hugging her knees into her chest

Why life transitions can strain friendships


We don’t move through life unchanged. Pregnancy, becoming a parent, entering perimenopause, training in a new profession, navigating illness, or beginning deeper therapeutic work all reshape who we are.


During pregnancy and early parenthood, priorities naturally shift. A baby becomes central. Time, energy, sleep and emotional capacity are all limited. Spontaneous plans, late nights, and long lunches often give way to feeding schedules, exhaustion, and a different mental load. Who cares about latest new bar or club opening, when you’ve got the life of little humans to think about…priorities and values change.


Hormonal transitions such as perimenopause and menopause can bring similar changes. Many women notice reduced tolerance for one sided relationships, heightened emotional awareness, and a clearer sense of what no longer feels sustainable.


Training as a counsellor or therapist can also highlight relational imbalances. Reflective work often brings clarity about where needs are not being met, sometimes for the first time.

These shifts aren’t a sign that anything has gone wrong. They are a sign of growth.


What supportive friendship looks like during changing seasons of life


As life becomes fuller and more complex, the meaning of friendship often changes.


Supportive friendship during transitional periods tends to include:


  • Feeling valued and considered, not repeatedly let down

  • Understanding that a short coffee or walk may be a rare and meaningful opportunity for connection during lonely weeks and months and need to be valued

  • Responding to messages that share overwhelm, sadness, or frustration with care

  • Offering solidarity rather than solutions or judgement


For people working from home, caring for children, living with illness, or feeling isolated, these moments of connection can be deeply regulating. Feeling ignored or deprioritised can be quietly painful, even when it's you that's the person changing.


Friendship, health and being emotionally seen


Friendship can become particularly strained when illness, diagnosis, or mental health difficulties enter the picture, maybe its postnatal depression and friends think you should snap out of it, or chronic fatigue that comes with health conditions, grief or menopause that limit your capacity.


When someone shares something vulnerable about their health, they are inviting honesty and care. Ignoring it, brushing past it, or pretending it wasn’t said can feel deeply invalidating, even if that isn’t the intention. It can sometimes be hard to know what to say, but something is better than nothing.


Good friends don’t need to fully understand everything, but they will often make the effort to learn. What matters is curiosity, willingness to listen, and openness to learning. Asking questions, acknowledging uncertainty, and showing interest can make someone feel profoundly supported. Have you asked your friend how their illness is affecting them? Have you asked them more about it or looked it up, if it’s something you don’t know much about? Have you asked how you can support them? Have you told them you’re available to listen?

From a trauma informed perspective, relational safety, feeling believed, seen, and emotionally held, plays an important role in mental wellbeing, particularly during periods of vulnerability.


Respect, boundaries, and different life journeys


Healthy friendship is grounded in respect.


Friends may have lived very different lives, faced different challenges, or hold different values. Respect doesn’t require full understanding, it requires acceptance and genuine kindness.


This includes respecting boundaries, communication preferences, and capacity. It also means recognising when someone needs space, and when they may need gentle checking in.


You can feel lonely in a crowded room when you’re misunderstood or unseen. In many cases, being surrounded by people who don’t truly hear you is lonelier than being on your own.


When friendships no longer fit


Periods of transition often bring clarity.


You might notice that some friendships leave you feeling drained, disappointed, or emotionally unsafe. Others may feel one sided or maintained out of habit rather than care and common ground.


Letting go, whether slowly or intentionally, is not a failure. It can be an act of self-care and self-respect.


Many people worry that stepping back from friendships is selfish, or that it will lead to isolation and guilt. In practice, people often describe feeling lighter once draining and disappointing connections are released.


Spend some time reflecting on your friendships. If some long standing relationships no longer feel reciprocal or nourishing then maybe it’s time to act. Choosing not to continue investing in them isn’t about blame, it’s been about honesty.


Finding the right connection during times of change


When old friendships fall away, the space they leave can feel unsettling. Connection still matters but it may need to look different.


Gentle ways to find more aligned support include:


  • Shared spaces, such as antenatal classes, hypnobirthing courses, baby groups, or life stage support groups

  • Low pressure connection, like walks or informal meet ups that don’t require high energy

  • Values led groups, focused on wellbeing, mental health, creativity, spirituality, or nature

  • Revisiting old friendships, reconnecting from who you are now rather than who you were


For local Essex mums, mums to be and birthing people, I’m reflecting on restarting my Bump to Buggy walks in the spring. These gentle outdoor walks offer fresh air, movement, and connection without pressure, something many women find grounding during pregnancy and early parenthood.


Supporting your mental health when loneliness shows up


Even when change is necessary, it can still hurt.


When friendships shift, it’s common to experience grief, self-doubt, or loneliness. This doesn’t mean you’ve made the wrong choices.


Ways to support your mental health during this time include:


  • Naming the loss without minimising it

  • Letting go of self-blame for outgrowing relationships

  • Creating small, consistent points of connection

  • Grounding your days with routine, time outdoors, rest, and gentle movement

  • Talking things through in a therapeutic space and with family or friends you’re holding on to


Loneliness is not a personal failing. Often, it’s a signal that your nervous system is longing for safety, attunement, and understanding.


A few years ago, I made the decision to let a close friendship go. The relationship was marked by imbalance, a lot of taking, little reciprocity, and increasing questioning of my intentions and growth. Although painful, letting go was one of the most grounding decisions I’ve made. It reinforced the importance of protecting my energy and keeping my trusted circle close. Maybe it's time we all looked at our connections again and consider who and what really matter.


If this resonates with you


If you’re navigating pregnancy, parenthood, menopause, or another life transition and noticing changes in your friendships, you’re not alone.


You’re allowed to grow. You’re allowed to change. And you’re allowed to choose connections that meet you where you are now.


If you’d like further support, these resources may be helpful:


You should also be able to google ‘baby group’s local to me’, ‘women’s support groups local to me’, ‘menopause support local to me’, or something similar to find out what’s going on in your area. Don’t forget there's also a lot of online support groups these days too.


If this blog has stirred something for you and you’d like support exploring relationships, identity, or change during transitional periods, you’re very welcome to get in touch.


You don’t have to hold everything on your own.

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